The Saddest Thing
by louvreangel
Summary: Joan and Sherlock have a little chat about Kitty right after her departure. (3x12 spoilers)


**Okay, I admit it. 3x12 made my cry. Literally cry. I know Kitty had ****too many haters but in my opinion she never deserved it. Writers and producers could have done so much more with her, because she was a really good character to go to waste. And her departure was a heartwrecking one too... So, I felt like writing something about what happened right after she left. Hope you enjoy this little piece of writing. **

**Disclaimer: I only own this fanfiction. All rights go to their rightful owners.**

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Since the hospital, Sherlock has been very quiet. Joan knew it was Kitty calling him when she heard his phone ring and she left him to it. But since that phone call, whatever they talked about shut him up completely. Neither in the hospital, nor on their way back to the Brownstone did he utter a word. His silence was making Joan worry. He looked sad. And Joan saw him sad a few times before, if she may say. But this was the second time she ever saw him having tears in his eyes. It was really a heartbreaking scene for her. For a man who never showed much emotion, seeing him like this was actually devastating.

When they reached Brownstone and once they were inside, Joan knew privacy would be good for them. Maybe in private he'd tell her what was wrong with him.

"Hey," she called out to him. He sat on his armchair and sighed. He didn't look up at her or he didn't give her an answer. Yet, she knew he was all ears. "You okay?"

He inhaled loudly before talking. "I'm perfect."

She sat on the sofa in front of him. "Sherlock, what happened? I know you talked to Kitty back in the hospital. Is she fine? What did she tell you?"

He didn't answer her for exactly four minutes. Then he started playing with his fingers under his chin, thinking about where he should start. "She is, uhm, going to use her skills in another country. To help people. Basically, she's going to have her own life as a detective."

Joan smiled. "Isn't that perfect?"

"It indeed is."

"Then what's wrong?"

Sherlock knew she wasn't going to drop this matter easily. But he wasn't going to tell Joan what Kitty told him. That was a private conversation between them and it was a private matter for him. Kitty was a girl who once was broken, a girl who became more and more stronger everyday, a girl who listened to everything he said, a girl who respected him and a girl who professed her love to the man who helped her. Since when was a question itself. And it was bugging him.

_I love you. Isn't that the saddest thing?_

It was sad, indeed. Not that he could return those feelings even if she had told him this before. It was just that... he felt really upset. A person who he considered as a friend had left and suddenly it was lonely all over again. It was like letting go of a savior... of an anchor. But she deserved more and finally she was going to get it. He was supposed to happy. It was perfect, as Joan stated. Yet he still couldn't feel happy.

"A person who I consider as a friend left town, Watson. I can't quite be happy about that. Now, can I?"

Joan knew how he was feeling. She had been there before. When she found out he was gone, that he had left New York and went back to London. The first three days were not easy for her either. But the absence was something people slowly get used to.

"But she said she might call again if she needs my assistance. That's a good thing, I guess." He continued.

"That's a great thing Sherlock. You will hear from her again. You will get to know whether she's doing okay or not. She might even return to New York after all this ends." Joan said with a small smile on her face. She was upset to see Sherlock like this. She was also sad for Kitty's departure. They didn't have a really good first meeting but everything became better and better everyday. As she told Del before, she considered her family. And she was always going to consider her family. Joan knew Kitty had a great future ahead and she was proud of her.

"She has a bright future, Sherlock. You know she'll be a great detective and finally she's ready." Joan said.

Sherlock knew all of that already. It was not what was bugging him. He was sure she was going to succeed. He was sure she was going to be okay. He was sure she was going to help a lot of people and follow his steps, maybe even come up with her own techniques. She'd come a long way and that long way was going to pay her off. He was just worried that she might feel alone, or unsafe. When he wanted to help her, when she accepted his offer, he knew he was taking a big responsibility. It wasn't the same offer he did to Joan Watson. Because she was already a strong, employed woman. But Kitty was different. She had a job that didn't pay well, she was broken, she was insecure. But she was trying to stay strong. She was going after her own rapist by her own. She was trying. That intrigued him the most. The fact that she never gave up. She kept on going. Still, when he took her in, he knew he'd have to protect her. Or at times, soothe her. She even tried to commit suicide. All those times, he caught her doing so, had been terrible. Yet, he knew all these consequences existed when he offer her this job. Then in time, he became protective over her. He became cautious about the people around her. Then he got used to her being around all the time. He was used to sharing a home with her, eating dinner with her, going everywhere together. After a while, they fell into a certain routine... until they came back to New York. That's when things changed.

But _this_ had _never_ been something he foresaw.

"I know." He finally replied and stood up from the chair abruptly. He made his way to the kitchen and started making tea. Joan followed him and sat on the chair beside the kitchen table.

"I may stay here for a few days, if you'd like. Until you feel... better." She offered kindly.

Sherlock shook his head. "No need. Thanks for the offer though. Tea?"

Joan knew she wasn't supposed to push it so she didn't. "Yes, please."

Even though she knew there was something else bothering him, she didn't want to push it. If he felt like he was ready, he would tell her anyway. She knew that time wouldn't come but she could hope for it. She really hoped Kitty would call Sherlock because she could tell he needed it. Joan needed it too. They would miss her a lot and no one was going to be able to replace her.

But Joan, instead of talking more about this sensitive matter, she changed the subject. They found themselves talking about Sherlock's old cases. Things were going to turn back to normal, eventually.

It was just going to take some time...

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**Thanks for reading.**

**xo Louvreangel**


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